I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
