Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
