Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
