what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
