You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
