whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish you could order shots online.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
