Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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