The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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