I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag