I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible