Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
