We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".