note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died