My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
