a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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