I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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