i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
