i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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