She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
