Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
