My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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