im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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