walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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