singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
