so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
