During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
