I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize