i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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