you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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