from now on my penis is your penis
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
