I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
