this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
