Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
