Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
