All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's like iHOP with fire
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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