Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
