I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
