And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
