He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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