it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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