And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize