She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
