I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
