Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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