i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
