It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
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I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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