Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
