i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
