This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
