i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
