I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
