She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
