Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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