I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's blow job season.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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