her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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