Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
