1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize