do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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