My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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