I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
