I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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