I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
