One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
