I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
