I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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