So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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