Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
