I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
