Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Randomize
