And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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