Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
