i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
