Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
