Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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