So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
