I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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