I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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