I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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