He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
