They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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