I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
They have beer where we have blood.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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