I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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