So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
